Sometimes, fathers who have separated from or divorced the mothers of their children may find themselves struggling to maintain a connection with their children. Their children’s attitudes toward them may change abruptly, possibly due to the interference of the mother.
Fathers who share custody may worry about parental alienation. Parental alienation involves one parent intentionally damaging the bond that the children have with the other parent. Attempts at parental alienation can cause social and mental health challenges for the targeted parent and the children involved. If fathers want to address parental alienation, they typically need evidence that they can present to the courts.
How can fathers prove that the mothers of their children have attempted to damage their relationships with their children?
By communicating in writing
When parents talk face-to-face or over the phone, there is no clear proof of what either parent said. Adults who share custody frequently commit to written communication through text messages, emails or specialized parenting apps. That way, there is a paper trail affirming interference with the custody arrangement and any threats or disparaging comments made by the mother.
By keeping clear records
Parental alienation frequently involves a denial of parenting time. One parent contacts the other to say that the children don’t feel good or have something else planned. They either truncate the scheduled parenting session to a much shorter amount of time or cancel the parenting time completely. Particularly when the cancellation occurs over the phone, meaning there is no written record of it, the father may need to create his own written record. Keeping a journal outlining every denied parenting session can help fathers show a pattern of interference that violates the custody order.
By documenting disturbing disclosures
The younger children are, the more likely they are to repeat what they heard from the other parent word for word. They may tell their father on the phone or during a visit that he canceled their last session together, even though he didn’t. They might tell him he doesn’t pay enough in child support or outline the mother’s grievances against him.
Parental alienation often involves not just custodial interference but also a campaign to manipulate how the children perceive and talk about the other parent. The more evidence one parent has that the other has repeatedly badmouthed them to the children, the easier it may be to prove that they don’t approach custody matters with a focus on the best interests of the children.
Judges presented with compelling evidence of parental alienation may choose to enforce the existing custody order, possibly by awarding the father additional parenting time to make up for lost sessions. They could also modify a custody order if doing so is likely in the best interests of the children. Understanding how to document parental alienation can help fathers address contentious and inappropriate shared custody circumstances.